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Underrated Pick-Up Spots & Scenes by Raz
2009 is here, and if you are single, you might be thinking it’s time to step up your search for Mr. or Ms. Right. A few weeks ago, you may have read my Online Dating Dos and Don’ts, which sparked a lively conversation. Check it out if you are thinking about online dating. If you are looking to meet people the old-fashioned way (face-to-face) here are some ideas that don’t involve picking someone up at a bar or club.
The Metro
Don’t attempt the Metro flirt in morning rush hour because everyone is too cranky/preoccupied on their Blackberry. This is best done at an off-peak time. If you see a cute guy/girl on the Metro, try to snag a seat near them, and start up a conversation.
When I was waiting for the train a few summers ago, a guy asked if there was space on the bench next to me. We started talking while waiting for the train and continued chatting after boarding. We exchanged information and ended up dating for about two months. Continues after the jump.
A Coffee Shop
There are a lot of great coffee shops around town where people hang out for awhile. The communal tables at Busboys and Poets and Tryst make for easier introductions, as does sitting at the bar. Even if you see someone sitting at a two-person table, ask to share their table.
You have to be careful with this approach to not be too intrusive/intense. People are there to actually read or do work. I was chatting a lot with a guy at Tryst over the weekend, and it derailed my study attempts.
Another anecdote: about a year ago on one of those rare, really warm and sunny early spring days, and I wanted to sit outside at Java Hut in Dupont. I only saw one seat available at a table already occupied by a man, so I asked to join him, really just to be outside. He asked me for a restaurant recommendation and we started chatting. We ended up going out to dinner later that evening, and then he came with me to the grocery store (it was a Sunday). Nothing came of it because he was in town for a conference, but it was a fun date nonetheless.
The Gym
The gym is hopping these days with everyone trying to get on track with the New Year. A good conversation starter at the gym is asking someone if they are training for something or maybe commenting on something on a nearby TV. I also once asked a guy to help me adjust the weight-lifting bench that was stuck, and we ended up chatting and going out.
You also have to be careful with this approach 1) to not be creepy and 2) that this person may have the same gym schedule as you and you will see them most days. A few summers ago, I was at the gym when I lived in New York and this guy walks into the weight room and just stares me down, then he asks if I noticed him checking me out. I should have seen this as a red flag, but I was young and naïve, so I chatted with him and ended up going on one date. He was just as intense as his pick up line. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with our age difference – me 21 and him 30 – as a nice way to end things. Unfortunately, we had the same gym schedule and I saw him everyday.
A Group/Club
Whatever your interests are, there is some kind of group/club in DC for you if you are interested. I like to be busy, so I am in many – a volunteer group, a triathlon club, a book club, tutoring, and tonight I’m joining a master’s swim team. Groups and clubs are a great way to meet people with similar interests. In all of my groups, I have seen people find dates, relationships and even marriage. To find a club to suit your interests, trying googling the hobby + DC, and see what you find. There are also activities and volunteer events posted on Craig’s List.
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I’m new around here. Is Raz male or female?
You’re forgetting the grocery store. People tend to have their guard down when they’re buying produce. Try walking up to the object of your affection, stuff a huge cucumber down your pants, and parade around her like a bullfighter, whispering, “Interested in some salad?” Bonus points if you do this in a foreign language. When security shows up to haul you away, wail your undying love for her. Works every time.
Female.
gym might be easier after march, when all the new year’s folks do what they usually do-QUIT… ill miss them… LOL
Anonymous Says:
January 9th, 2009 at 11:09 am
LOL,
Some times I think male, and other times I think female…lol
Anyway, i work the hell out of the gym.
I just end up talking/befriending women who are married or have BF’s.
I do tend to get some new female members come over and conversate with me. Just never go anywhere. I have so many visible scars that at some point guys n girls ask me what happen and I try to talk to the women.
Oh well.
I hope things change once I get my Spin instructor Lic.
Those guys are Gods in the gym. All the women go after good male instructors. Well some of the guys try also! lol
Curse my being so shy! I can finagle some non-sketchy flirtatious comments at a coffee shop, but every opportunity that presents itself also seems like it would scream “creepy” to any girl I approached.
I don’t know how “underrated” these places are for meeting people. In fact, I’d say these are the overrated places that everybody always brings up. And none of them are nearly as conducive to meeting people as they seem, and have massive caveats that really detract.
where does the swim club meet? does it cost? that sounds cool…
There are a few master’s swim teams in DC. The one I went to practices at the Takoma Pool. It’s with DC Parks & Recreation. There is also DC Aquatic Club and I believe American University has a master’s team too through Curl-Burke Swim Club.
I met a guy on the metro once. He asked me for the time, we started chatting, and rode a few stops before I had to get off. Before I departed, I actually had the balls to ask if he’d like to go out some time. And of all things, he ended up living 3 houses down the street from me.
Raz is a maaan, baaby!
Seriously, though, I really thought this was written by a gay man. I don’t know what that means, but I’m on board with anon@11:09a.m.
We should have avatars, signatures or a picture section….hmmm…like facebook..lol
I’m going to do a contributor page with a small profile and photo of some of the contributors. Stay tuned.
PoP you should have a faces of PoP section so we can see the people commenting…
Raz is an attractive, personable young woman, so I suspect a lot of these techniques are much easier if you are in that demographic.
I’m married, but when I was single, as a short, balding man (picture George Costanza), if I tried to start up a conversation with a woman in any of the above scenarios, they probably would have ran away screaming!
I always thought most chicks hated to be hit on at the gym.
nate Says:
January 9th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
PoP you should have a faces of PoP section so we can see the people commenting…
The annonomous one will be stellar !!!!!!
lol
i say ban annonomous postings….if regulars want to post…creat a profile.
nate Says:
January 9th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
PoP you should have a faces of PoP section so we can see the people commenting…
The annonomous one will be stellar !!!!!!
lol
i say ban annonomous postings….if regulars want to post…create a profile.
yes most chicks do hate to be hit on at the gym…. i’m sweaty and nasty and not trying to be hit on… i want to get my work out on without some creep checking me out!
PLEASE do not hit on me at a gym. PLEASE. I am there to work out. Period. UGH that is the worst advice ever.
PoP, can you pixelate out those blue shorty shorts? Or maybe a black dot? They’re really freaking me out…
Hmm, a terminally single girl giving out dating advice. Right. And aren’t these the places that everyone says are great places to pick people up? Public transport? A coffeehouse? If these are underrated, I’d like to see the “rated” list.
Am curious to see a photo just to see if my purely word-based crush is justified …
This sort of informal stuff never worked for me before Lil’ Gal roped and tied me. Inevitably these sorts of meetings started well and then would veer one of three ways:
1) “Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?”
2) “Can I tell you about an exciting opportunity involving selling products from home?”
or
3) “An additional dance will cost extra.”
RD, gym etiquette was profiled already in NY Magazine. In the gym, men may not hit on women. Women may not hit on women. Men may not hit on men. The only allowed interaction is women hitting on men.
Everyone’s paying to belong to a gym — no one want creepy attention!
Bogfrog: Women can hit on men in the lobby of a marriage counselor, during the last 5 seconds of the Superbowl, or basically anywhere a woman happens to come across a stray man separated from the herd, ripe for his bones to be picked ivory clean.
I do tend to get some new female members come over and conversate with me.
“Conversate” is not a word!
I agree, those places are very overrated. I’m in at least one of the above once a day and never meet anyone. When on the train I’m only concerned about commuting, only concerned about getting groceries at the store, and when I’m at the coffeehouse people there either already know someone or are too into their book/laptop/paper to talk to others. I can never meet anyone at those places.
Unless you can think of some other place that’s novel and off the wall, then I feel I’m going to be relegated to being single.
“I do tend to get some new female members come over and conversate with me.”
“Conversate” is not a word!
I agree, those places are very overrated. I’m in at least one of the above once a day and never meet anyone. When on the train I’m only concerned about commuting, only concerned about getting groceries at the store, and when I’m at the coffeehouse people there either already know someone or are too into their book/laptop/paper to talk to others. I can never meet anyone at those places.
Unless you can think of some other place that’s novel and off the wall, then I feel I’m going to be relegated to being single.
Golden Silence: If you approached men that you were interested in with the zeal you break it down to cat-callers you’d have about 1000 boyfriends. How could they say “no” if they were in fear of their lives?
Yep, there is no advice for woemn to meet men. Just go right up and talk to him. Men don’t give a damn when or where.
Anon159: The list of “rated” places:
1. A Bar. Other than random situations or encounters, often involving situations where meeting friends of friends, or odd situations between workplace colleagues, etc., a bar is the most successful place in the world to meet people. I have no data, but I would suspect it is true. The fact that every list starts “You may not know that bars are bad for meeting people,” is, well, wrong. It’s the only place. At least that one can contrive on their own. In fact, I’m going to go ahead and upgrade its status from “rated” to “underrated.”
And, for the sake of definitions, “A bar” includes any venue that dispenses adult beverages, for example: a bar; a music hall with a bar; a club; a dive bar; a restaurant bar; a hotel bar.
After reading this it makes me even happier I am not single. Too many rules these days. I just stalked my wife in college and 14+ years later we are still together.
I think the same is true of women, Nate, provided that they find you attractive.
I’ve got a girlfriend, but my general rule when single was to always be charming, since you never know who you’ll meet. Second rule was to be sure to meet in a context where there’s a bar to entry that guarantees shared interests: classes, friend’s party, volunteering, book clubs, etc.
any crazy person can go to a bar, a gym, or a cafe; in that way, it’s no different than meeting someone on the internet.
All of these and other so-called “rules” become completely irrelevant if the person you approach finds you attractive. No matter how sweaty or smelly a woman might be at the gym, if the right guy approaches her in the right way, she will have no problem with it. All of that “I’m not here to meet guys” stuff will go right out the window.
It’s like when someone says the reason they don’t date is because they don’t have time. If the right person comes along, you’ll make some time.
Raz is definitely a woman, and an attractive one at that.
“Anonymous” your “purely word-based crush” is definitely justified.”
To add to the discussion, if you do approach someone at any of these locations, make sure that you say something funny.
Walking up to a woman in the produce section and saying, “Those melons look ripe!” will get you slapped.
On the other hand, a woman asking me, “Are these melons ripe?” would get a smile and a phone number.
Because it’s just too damned fitting: http://www.vsocial.com/video/?d=59670
Golden Silence Says:
January 9th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
I do tend to get some new female members come over and conversate with me.
“Conversate” is not a word!
———————————————————————————–
Von= That reply is a sure fired way not to get ask on a date…sure fired…4 sure…
I thought slang was approved for use on this BBS…No????
————————————————————
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/conversate
Conversate – 1 dictionary result
Main Entry: conversate
Part of Speech: v
Definition: to socialize and chat; to converse with another
Etymology: back-formation from conversation
Usage: “Slang”
If you were as cute and personable as Raz, these spots would elicit many a date … for Dr Poopypants, not so much …
… and if you’re a pessimistic bitch who generally hates people (especially in groups), is chubby, and bears a striking resemblence to Daria and the nerd from Ghost World (not the hot one, of course), you will be forever single. No matter if you’re on the metro, in a bar, at the gym, you’ll be forever single.
But don’t worry, your window repair guy will hit on you every. single. time. he comes to fix a window, even if he’s a hillbilly who lives 38734 hours away in York, Pennsylvania.
(Why did that rant end up sounding like a match.com profile ad.)
yeah I agree, don’t hit on me at the gym. generally I would say bars are not great places for women to meet men, maybe for men to meet women-
I like to meet people through friends, they come with recommendations!
for clubs, I have two suggestions:
1. Petworth Bookclub
2. Arlington Athletic Social League. *sorry this is not in DC, but it is really close! website is http://www.playaasl.com It is a coed social league that has:
football
softball
dodgeball -first game is tomorrow! woooo!!!
billards/darts
volleyball
bowling
bar events (tours, flip cup tournaments, guest bartender events, etc)
I’ve been playing on the same team for 3 years now. When I joined I didn’t know a single person, now they are like a second family. For the ladies, lot’s of the teams are always looking to pick up women mid season!
With catcalling men, I don’t care about them and they’re worthless to me, so I have no problem telling them how it is. With men that I actually am interested in, I’m so freaking shy and worried what they’d think of me, so I end up saying nothing.
I wish I did have the confidence to approach guys I like!