Have you ever looked at the cheap movies for sale at 7 Eleven and wondered “Who buys these?” and “What are all these movies?” Well, wonder no more. As a public service, your Lord of Petworth bought a few (on impulse) and brings you this review.

About 20 minutes into watching Leaves of Grass (the madcap pot comedy starring multiple Oscar-nominee Edward Norton), my dog, who had been sitting on the couch next to me the entire time, farted, then got up and walked out of the room.

If you are in a hurry, you can probably just accept my dog’s review of the movie and leave it there.

Leaves of Grass (with the tag line “Drugs, Murder, and Brotherly Love”) is a tale of crazy hi-jinx when a pair of identical brothers (both played by Norton–one an Ivy League Classics professor, the other a small-town pot grower) try to outwit the local drug kingpin who wants the pot growing brother to switch to–gasp–producing meth instead. In what should have been his emergence as the Patty Duke of our era, Norton’s entire double presence in this movie (along with fellow otherwise-credible castmates Susan Sarandon, Tim Blake Nelson, and Richard Dreyfuss–oh, scratch that, I just remembered Mr Holland’s Opus) leads one to question if he was too high to realize the cameras were actually on and it was time to start acting.

In case you’d never picked up on this, people who smoke marijuana tend to get very bloodshot eyes, react slowly, and become hungry and slightly introspective. This seems to be the base of all the film’s attempts at humor. Oh, except for the digs at Oklahoma.

The movie is supposed to take place in Oklahoma. I think it is kinda obvious that the writers, filmmakers, and actors have never actually been to Oklahoma, or even know anyone from Oklahoma, or perhaps they were all too stoned–as they depict small town Oklahoma as being more like a pot-fueled version of Deliverance. In their world, it seems every resident of Oklahoma has a mullet, bad teeth, and considerable beard stubble (even the ladies).

The most offensive element of this tragically unfunny movie is that they periodically try to take themselves seriously. The professor and his love interest (Keri Russell) have these deep conversations about poetry, following your dreams, and truth–and they aren’t even high when having them! They even try to fold in the movie’s namesake work of Whitman by quoting him as they gut a 40-pound catfish (seriously).

Now, when the good folks making American Pie Presents The Naked Mile were making their film–they knew what was expected of them: drinking and boob jokes. They stuck to the formula, don’t pretend to be more, and you can’t fault them for it. They didn’t try to sneak some Nietzsche in there in-between the diarrhea jokes.

But when the makers of Leaves of Grass were trying to “sing the body electric,” they forgot to make the rest of the movie funny.

Oh, and how did they deal with the drug kingpin? They kill him. (Oops, spoiler alert!!)

Verdict: pass it up, get a Slurpee and Taquito instead.

Photo by flickr user stgermh

I think my wife’s friend summed it up best when he txt’d us shortly after visiting Bill’s Seafood Kitchen (aka Fish in the Hood) for the first time on our recommendation:

“F**k you for not telling me about this sooner.”

Some other friends of ours live close to Bill’s Seafood Kitchen (3601 Georgia Ave. NW near Otis in Park View) and raved about it for quite some time, yet we never went. In fact, we’d lived in Petworth almost three and a half years before trying it.

Now, it is like an addiction. The wife and I discuss how long it has been since we last went–and if it has been an acceptable amount of time in order to go again.

It has become our DC best kept secret. And I’d like to hear about yours, too. But first, more about this amazing place.

Bill’s (most people just call it Fish in the Hood because of the window signage) makes amazing seafood. It has been briefly mentioned here before, but it is kind of surprising how under the radar it is, even by Petworth standards. It isn’t much to look at, but they keep the focus on what’s important–the fish. It’s a little overwhelming when you walk inside. There are about a dozen or more varieties of fish (you know a place has it goin’ on when you order tilapia and they ask “male or female?”), plus scallops and shrimp. Once you order (by weight) they will expertly fry or broil your fish. The sides are pretty great too. And they have this stuff called “Mango sauce” which is the most amazing sauce for fish and chicken you’ll ever try.

Discovering Bill’s has suddenly made us interested in finding other “best kept secrets.” Of course, these places aren’t literally secrets–but they are just so sweet to discover. Sure, there are some places that might be categorized as “best kept secrets” that, literally, are best kept secret. But hey, you have to kiss a few frogs to find a prince, right?

Out most recent discovery has been Ruff and Ready just over the line in Hyattsville/PG County. They only have three items on the menu: blue crab, Alaska King Crab legs, and spiced shrimp. That’s it. No sides. No fuss. Nothing. But those three items are to die for.

So let’s hear yours? Any recent discoveries or places you think others would flip out about? Things mostly under the radar that you’d love to see more widely enjoyed?

Photo by PoPville flickr user Pixilista

I miss anything good? Bad?

Come on, really?

In between throwing down pearls of wisdom yesterday, I went outside to mow the lawn. (I am truly a renaissance man, aren’t I?) While I was clearing out the mower, I looked down and saw about eight mosquitos enjoying a delicious lunch on my tab, so to speak.

Now I’m willing to live in a mosquito’s world during July and August, but it’s May, give me a break. Already?

Over the years I have spent untold bundles of cash on containing/killing/distracting/confusing the little bastards, yet my arms and legs always end up looking like a teenager’s face all summer long.

Despite all my efforts, I’ve only tapped the tip of the mosquito battling arsenal.

So now, I turn to you. Organic, chemical, thermonuclear–doesn’t matter. What are your best/favorite/most effective mosquito battling techniques?

I know its only Tuesday, but with Memorial Day this weekend, it has me thinking: I’m curious if folks generally avoid going downtown on holiday weekends.

Normally, sharing our city with visitors and tourists is not a big deal. It is a big place, it can accomodate a lot of people. But my assumption is that I should stay away on holiday weekends because it just becomes too much to enjoy.

Events like Rolling Thunder and memorial ceremonies are wonderful, moving events–but I just feel that they are–for me–better appreciated from afar. I can use the Mall and parks any weekend, I figure, so why frustrate everyone by adding myself to the mix?

If you still use the downtown parks and Mall on holidays, I’m curious what your experience is like. If you don’t, any hidden gems that you retreat to in order to get out of the house, yet avoid the holiday masses?

Good morning Popville!

I’d like to welcome you to Day Two of the latest reign of me, the Lord of Petworth.

People had some absolutely amazing and witty comments to yesterday’s posts–thank you for weighing in and playing along.

And for those who followed my non-hypothetical hypothetical quandary yesterday, you’ll be happy–and amused–that I really stepped in it big time. Seems the neighbors I was concerned about–read this blog! Turns out they figured out who I was–and I figured out who they were–through the comments section of the post (and who says no one reads comments). As one PoPville commenter put it, “There is some good Internet playing out right here.”

I showed up with a six-pack of “liquid apology” and we all had a good laugh about it. I no longer felt like an ass. Then my dog piddled on their carpet. Then I felt like an ass again. They still had a great sense of humor about it all.

So, needless to say, I have awesome new neighbors.

Lesson learned–keep the hypothetical quandaries…hypothetical.

Now, let’s move on and see how I can embarrass myself today.

And again–tips, suggestions, complaints, and wisdom-seeking can be directed to eric (dot) nuzum (at) gmail (dot) com.

Thanks to an eagle eyed reader for sending word about this development. 2204 14th St, NW used to be the home of Bicycle Stations which closed back in Feb. and moved to Alexandria. Now the space will become Mova, and “Upscale Martini Lounge”. The reader writes,

“This went up today in the old Bikestations spot at 14 and W. More small plates on 14th St; shockkkkking!”

The alcohol application says:

“Upscale Martini Lounge (Tavern) serving tapas style menu with seating capacity for 50 and a total load of 199. Request a summer garden with 50 seats and entertainment endorsement with occasional DJ or live singers or small band.”

Sound good?

“Dear PoPville,

I am hoping you or your readers can weigh in on my wedding-weekend dilemma.

I am planning a Sunday afternoon picnic on the National Mall (near the Monument) for 50 people who are in town for Memorial Day weekend, the weekend of my wedding (wedding is Saturday night, picnic is Sunday afternoon). The issue is that 250,000 motocyclists will descend upon D.C. on Sunday for the Rolling Thunder parade. Constitution Ave will be closed to traffic. My question: will we even be able to cross Constitution on foot in order to plant ourselves down by the Monument for a picnic? Is this a really bad idea? If the Mall is a disaster for a big group picnic, are there any locations in the NW downtown area that you recommend for a picnic of 50 people?

Thanks,
Bride-on-wheels”

I’d say – go to Meridian Hill Park instead. What do you guys think?

This great one is from near Cardozo High School.

I love to discuss hypotheticals, ethics, and things that are squishy and hard to navigate. So, whenever I reign as Lord of Petworth, I like to pose questions to see what people would do.

So, here is today’s…

There is a house down the street from mine. About two years ago, things started to fall apart for the family that lived there: three generations of very sick, very obese women. First, the oldest one died. For some reason, that seemed to be the undoing for them.

Shortly after, their house was listed as a foreclosure property (word around the neighborhood was that they had gotten a sub-prime mortgage on the house–previously completely paid off–and couldn’t keep up). Eventually, they lost the place. It went so far as curbing them and all their possessions.

That’s when we started to get a hint of what happened in there.

Shortly afterwards, guys showed up to clean up the house. Mind you, this is after the two women had been curbed. These guys hauled out three dump trucks full of trash from that 1,400 sq ft rowhouse: boxes of stuff, broken appliances, and just…junk.

Then a few days later, another group of people showed up, seriously, in hazmat suits. They hauled out piles of garbage.

It appeared the women, all in bad shape, just threw all their garbage into the basement where it…sat. The couple living next door swears that they have been smelling garbage through the walls for years. They, and a few other neighbors, bought cats after the clean-out fearing that rodents living there would go searching for some new digs.

So, after all this drama, a contractor bought the place and started working on doing a fairly decent rebuild of the place. While there were a few cut corners, by and large, the place is now a complete, yet modest, renovation.

A few months ago, after sitting on the market for awhile, we noticed the “for sale” sign was gone and there were signs of activity there.

A nice young couple bought the place and are very excited to have a home all their own together.

Nice ending, right? Well, here is where the quandary is: Should I tell them about the house’s history?

On one hand, I feel some sense of obligation to tell them–simply in case they experience anything weird and dangerous (mold, rodents, etc) that may have been caused from its previous state. Also, if it were me, I’d kind of want to know.

On the other, the house has been completely renewed since all that happened, so any concerns from the past may be entirely moot. But can I say that for sure?

And just in case you are wondering–there is no way they could read this and figure out I’m talking about them. They barely know my name, let alone what I do, and certainly that I am the Lord of Petworth. So I’m not telling them by posting this.

So, what would you do? Tell or don’t tell?

HEADS UP: The video has some language in it that probably won’t fly blaring out of your office speakers. Oh, and there is some violence and blood. Probably should just say this is NSFW.

What what?

This seems to be blowing up everywhere today. WTOP, DCist, and a bunch of other news outlets have some info, though there doesn’t seem to be much more than a shocking video and a description from police that–hold on to your hat–doesn’t seem to quite match what we see in the video.

Something makes me thing this won’t end well for anyone involved.

So, I’m curious how you describe your neighborhood to people from elsewhere.

Let’s assume for this post that you don’t live in Georgetown or Palisades or Spring Valley. Plus, I’m sure there are other blogs for you people.

Anyhow, I’ve always struggled how to describe my neighborhood to outsiders in a way that’s honest, but respects my neighbors.

For example, I’ve heard lots of people say they live in a “changing neighborhood.” Really? How do your long-term neighbors feel about that term? Do they feel like it’s a changing neighborhood? Or does using terminology like that make them feel like they are part of what’s being changed?

I live in Petworth, just north of Grant Circle. So I often tell people that the gentrification in the rest of the city is happening there, but at a slower, more comfortable, pace. But who knows, even that could be a stupid thing to say.

But I try to stay away from terms like “changing neighborhood” or “gentrifying neighborhood” because I wouldn’t want my neighbors to think I’m eager for them to leave (concerning 92% of them, I hope they stay a long time).

Am I being overly concerned about nothing? How do you describe it?

So “Empire State of Mind,” “New York, New York”–okay, we get it. A lot of people love NYC and want to sing about it. Okay, a lot of people, obviously, as there are hundreds of songs about New York City.

But what about us? We are the most powerful city on Earth. Shouldn’t we get something?

DC has a lot of great music, obviously. Bluegrass, hard core, go go, hip hop, jazz, and even opera. In fact, I’d put DC music up against just about any music scene in the country, if for no other reason than its eclecticism.

But songs about Washington? There we are a little slim.

The ones that come to mind aren’t particularly flattering: Bad Brains “Banned in DC”, “Mt Pleasant Isn’t Anymore” by The Evens, Skip James “Washington DC Hospital Center Blues,” Scapegoat’s “Walk in Washington,” and even Burning Airlines’ “Wheaton Calling.”

Sure, there’s Parliament’s “Chocolate City”–but that’s just cool because it’s Parliament. But that pales in comparison to NYC, which has 22 songs about it that start with the letter “P.”

So let’s co-opt a song. I am willing to use my power and influence as Lord of Petworth to unilaterally decree a song as DC’s theme song–but I’d like your help in picking. If you were going to adopt a song for Washington, DC–a theme song–what would you pick and why?

Photo by PoPville flickr user maria jpeg

While the Lord takes over this week we’ll have some early RRR a/o R posts.

Coming on the heels of Bike to Work Day on Friday, I (and 5,000 others) participated in Bike DC on Sunday.

In case you’ve never heard of it, once a year, by some great feat, what could only be a magnormous sea of bureaucracy and red tape is parted so that bicyclists can ride 20 miles through downtown DC and Arlington on the streets and highways–without cars on them.

It is quite an amazing experience–you riding on the street with no worries about being flattened. You even get to run red lights. At first, it is quite surreal–like doing something you aren’t supposed to be doing. I think everyone felt that way, because the pace of the ride was really slow for the first few miles and most riders stayed in big clusters.

Once we got across to the GW Parkway (again, on the highway bridge–which just felt so amazingly odd on a bike), people started to pick their own pace. Though most riders, probably out of habit more than anything else–usually stayed glued to the far right side of the carless roads.

I thought the hills on the GW Parkway would be the worse–and they were unrelenting–but the hills around the Air Force and Iwo Jima memorials spanked me pretty hard.

Overall it was great fun.

A big thank you should go out to the hundreds of people who made it possible: dozens and dozens of volunteers that kept riders safe, fed, and going in the right direction; the many law enforcement and EMS personnel who worked the route and kept traffic under control; the organizers who take on the huge logistics of this event and make it happen flawlessly; and especially to those in local government who have the vision and open-mindedness to help something like this happen.

I’m sure there are plenty of pictures in the media, but if you are too lazy to look for them, you can look at my incredibly bad and unsatisfying photos taken during the ride here.

Any other Bike DC riders out there?